Why do YOU think you’re single?

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So being single for a while, I decided to go on a research quest. A quest based on a question I got recently asked.

This was my recent question posted on Facebook: I’m doing research for my next blog article. It’s a question I got asked and now I’m asking you. If you don’t want to comment, feel free to inbox me your views.

You’re late 20s, early 30s, independent with a booming career. You’re just about sipping your coffee ready to shine today, and that thought lingers – “why didn’t your date text you?” or “how will i know if he/she likes me?” or “why are you always the bridesmaid, never the bride” – With those thoughts swimming around in your mind, my question to you is: WHY DO YOU THINK YOU’RE SINGLE?

Now, before I carry on, please note, that the question wasn’t “why are you single” because I know that you’re amazing and wonderful and every person’s dream. We all know that. My question was “why do YOU think you’re single?” Like sit and think about it and ask yourself, “why?” I’d like to know why I am. Not that I’m unhappy but at 31, independent, divorced, single mom to an amazing kid, I’m just curious.

When I posed the question I offended a lot of guys about girls being full of crap and playing games, forgetting that it takes two to make anything to possibly work. But the brave (and I thank you for that) were happy to answer me. And the answer seemed to be the same across the board: they are scared and this results in low self-esteem. Scared of what? Rejection? Well here’s news for you – rejection can be experienced and received both ways. I don’t even know how to comprehend that. So please tell us, scared of what?

Also guys, please tell me when did it become about women financially maintaining you? Did we not all attend varsity, have careers and earn a living? Also if you’re scared she is making more money than you, why are we being to blamed? We hustle just as hard as you do, sometimes even harder to prove we can do it. #justsaying

Girls responded with – High standards and most importantly they don’t want to waste their time tired spending my time building up meaningless relationships.

Well ladies, let’s first debunk that “high standards” theory – if you have high standards set for a guy, and make sure you can maintain your high standards without a guy. Example – it’s no point in expecting him to give you a Kardashian life if you can’t event give that to yourself.

I’m 31 and back in the dating game. So please can someone tell me, when did our generation of dating become so bleh?

These are my questions:

  1. What happened to – if you like each other, you tell the person and take the risk and try your hand at a relationship?
  2. Why the mind games?
  3. Why the indecisiveness as to what you want? Life is black and white, not these 50 shades of messed up where people enter a realm of confusion after date 1.
  4. Why waste each other’s time? Please tell me this…why? why? why?

Think I’m the only one with this issue? Well besides alot of my girl friends, and men and women I know, check this video out that and see for yourself. This is what it’s like – for real…

xoxo

Review: Reydiant products

So, as a mom, blogger, digital maniac, I’m always on the hunt for a product that can make my life a bit easier. Well, the gods must have heard my pleas as I received an email from Reydiant asking if I would review a few of their products and I said why not.

Queue beautifully arrived package hand delivered to my door and we have so much excitement and the best way to start a weekend. IMG_1625

I received such a nice variety i was really excited…

I loved the packaging and Amra and I loved how it smelled.

Sleepy time – Amra is 4. Do you know how difficult it is to put a 4 year old to sleep after her route has been broken? It’s chaos, fights and everything else in between. First night of sleepy time, i was ready for the battle. Amra: 0 – Mommy: 1. Followed the same bedtime routine – bath, massage with Sleepy Time and a story. I didn’t even need to complete my story as my little girl was happily in Lala land. Did i mention how much she loves the smell. Her routine is back in tact and I am a very happy mommy right now.

Oil cleansing method – normal skin – I hate toners and cleansers. My mom raised me that your skin is your best asset and you should take care of it and avoid unnecessary products. So being a bit sceptical,  I was excited to try something a bit different. And you know what, I don’t regret it. I hardly wear makeup but when I do, i love that i can cleanse my face and it’s left feeling soft and clear. No greasy grimy feeling.

Oil cleansing method – combination skin – after i had so much success with the cleansing oil for normal skin, my friend Jolandi was really keen to try the cleansing oil for combination skin and said she’s claimed that bottle. Another happy user it seems.

Soft as your baby – this is such an amazing massage oil and hand moisturizer for adults. I definitely used it as a hand moisturizer. But this is rather an interesting fact – It’s really great for babies and people who suffer from eczema and psoriasis as it alleviates the dryness and aids in skin regeneration for open sores caused by eczema.

My verdict: LOVE IT! The products last so long but as soon it’s empty, i’ll definitely be purchasing more to stock up.

Thank you to Reydiant for the amazing products and for giving me the chance to review it.

Much luv

xoxo

 

Kids say awkward things

Have you been in a situation where you kid says something so out there that you’re left completely stumped.

My life with Amra can be pretty unique. I LOVE her to bits but she is my mini me – in every way possible. If you’re following me on Facebook or Instagram, I usually chronicle what life is like for a single mom with a pre-schooler. I have never met a more candid person than…well, me. So imagine when I get a dose of my own medicine every now and then.

Need an idea of what I’m talking about…

Amra may be four, but these days I need to tip toe to the toilet. She will quickly realise, wait, my mom isnt in the vicinity. I’m serious. Kids will find you. She will quickly gather her crayons and colouring book, and happily open the door to the bathroom and come sit by me – and all I wanted to do was just pee…in peace.

Amra refers to the vagina as a flower. I love that. Its what makes her comfortable. What is very uncomfortable is when I’m experiencing Mother Nature and she always manages to walk into the bathroom when my period just about ends and I get comments asked loudly (whether we’re in a public toilet or at home) like “mommy, I need to go get your flower a plaster hey?” or “eeeuuuuwww, that’s dissss…gusting

She used to ask my now ex-boyfriend infront of my family, “do you like my mommy” and he used to say “a lot but you’re favorite”…Then she used to look and say “okkkkaaayyy but can i ask you something” and he used to wait in anticipation and then see him squirm and walk away and say  “never mind“…

Am i only mom dealing with the awkward 4s?

Oh did you read about my last blog post? I’d like to establish a single and single mom’s network… Please read and share and let’s get the ball rolling on this…

Much luv

xoxo

The single girl’s network

So I’m a single mom. Two things are very different in that sentence. I’m single and i’m a mom. I was searching around in Cape Town and I realised there are no networks or events or groups that positively are there for single ladies and single moms.

I’m not talking about: a bitch group or a group where we can decide who’s kid is better but rather a place where single ladies and single moms can get together once a month – whether as a mom or as singleton where we can have a safe place and just have a good time. With spa days, inspirational talks, makeovers, movie nights, etc, play groups, it really is by time we have a time out in the beautiful mother city.

So while life may be busy and juggling life and kids may get the better of you, know there is are out there, like me, who are keen to organise meet-ups in Cape Town.

Should you be keen to be part of the first event, please do not hesitate to let me know.

Just comment in the blog or drop me an email and we can make it an awesome time.

Much luv

xoxo

So 2016 here we go…

So it’s been a while hey, like a long while. I was hoping for a happier 2016. My now ex-boyfriend and I broke up and I’ve removed myself from all toxic situations. Toxic situations like my mom’s life (she needs to make her own decisions and bear the brunt of the consequences) and scenarios, toxic friends, all things toxic. The result – I’m a lot happier. I can focus so much more on myself and Amra and get my head back into my work self.

What have I learnt from 2015:

  1. Love is a strange and wonderful thing – it comes in many forms. I may have not succeeded in finding my Prince Charming but I have a beautiful daughter, good family and most of all, amazing friends that have shown me so much love.
  2. I do want another kid. Yes i always said 1 kid is enough and i love being a single career mom but i LOVE kids. And yes i do want another kid. Not necessarily with a man. But I love the single mom life and with overcoming heart break, maybe “happily ever after with a Prince” isn’t in my cards but having another baby really is a thought that sometimes creeps in. And Amra has also been asking for a brother or sister like i can head to a mall and say “Hi can i have 1 newborn baby please?” I’ve been thinking a lot about AI. I always said by 31 i’d love to have my second child and with Amra being so independent and telling me “I can do it by myself mommy“, i often wonder how life would be with another 1. I have 2 brothers and i can’t imagine life without them so i’d like her to experience that too. With it being on my mind, i do sometimes find myself Googling the everything from cost to process. But we’ll see as the year progresses.
  3. Men – love isn’t ownership and possession. You do not own her. I recently went to a lecture held in the mosque and the lecturer said “Men, do you own your mother? No you don’t. So what makes you think you own your wife. Where do see anywhere in the Qu’ran that she belongs to you. Even on the day of judgement, she is regarded as the daughter of her father. Your name won’t even feature. So who are you to think that you can abuse (abuse of all kinds), own or possess her? Show me where it’s mentioned” I look at my mom and realise how easily men confuse love with ownership and possession. And the strangest part – how close minded society is to not stand up and say – This is wrong. Think about that.
  4. Men love bitches – and I’m not lying. There is even a book called ‘Why men love bitches‘. Buy it, read it and enjoy!
  5. Karma is a real thing – I’ve witnessed it. Being nice is one thing but when your niceness gets taken advantage of, just step back and watch karma play its part.
  6. No one told me 4 year olds is the new 14. Nothing can prepare you for the rollercoaster of a emotions and fun times.

Am i the only one who has been taught these crazy life lessons? Please share your thoughts and lets chat about it. I’d love to hear how you are…

Much love xoxo

So…let’s review some products

Okay, I get it. You don’t want to read some boring review of products i may have received as a PR stunt. Well, sorry to burst your bubble, these products i actually bought and no one is paying me to say these awesome things about it. It’s all truth. I just often have people ask me what I’m using on my skin and hair and why not share. Hey, if i can spare someone 10-15min extra sleep time, my job is done.

Well, let me tell you anyway: You know that mom/chick that says I have no makeup on and rely heavily on the products i use. Thats me. If its quick and easy, I’m all for it. To me, time is precious. The last thing i want to do is spend it on time consuming tasks. My grandmother (of 79) always said “if you hair is healthy and your skin looks good minus makeup, then you’re sorted“. She is right though. Time faffing on hair and skin is time i could use relaxing or discovering something really cool with Amra. Now that i hit 30, I’m proud to say, I’m comfortable in my skin and I know what products really work for me.

About my hair…

  1. We all love salon perfect hair. Who wouldn’t want to experience it all the time?
  2. As a mom, in my case, a single mom with a very busy 4 year old little girl, time is really precious. juggling work, kids, life and everything else in between, when you find a product that works for you, hold onto that baby for dear life.
  3. When I find a product that can help make my life so much easier, what can you do but boast about it?
  4. Am i happy? Of course.

So what is this wonder products? All Tresemme based. They really know how to take care of your hair without breaking your budget.

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The result: gorgeous manageable clean hair that looks salon great for up to 3-5 days. Don’t believe, check out my Instagram posts for yourself.

About my skin…

Okay I won’t lie. Being fair with a hint of sensitive skin is a battle. Something either works short term or i’m guaranteed red blotches of itchiness. Let’s face it (excuse the pun), no one wants to walk around looking they have a tattoo of grossness in their skin. My mom (of 55) swears by Nivea and after many tests, I must say I don’t remember life before Nivea Aqua Sensation. You know that feeling of a cold fresh cucumber being put on your face. Now imagine that amazing feeling…all day, everyday.

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The light moisturising cream with Cucumber Extracts sweeps an instant wave of cooling freshness over your face. They are not shitting you when they say you experience a refreshed, invigorated and hydrated skin all day long.

Which skin care products are you absolutely loving?

Any tips and tricks you’re keen to share?

I usually share all my amazing finds on my Instagram account. If you’re not following me yet, why not do so. I’ll definitely follow you back.

Much love xoxo

The countdown to the fashion show has begun…

Hey all

So we’re gearing up for the fashion show and really excited about it. Our first casting is on Saturday and we’re looking for to seeing all the people keen to part of this experience.

Below is the casting call:

MODEL CASTING CALL FOR GUYS AND GIRLS!!
Want to be a runway model? It’s all in the name of charity (non paying) but it’s a great platform to launch your modeling/media career.

High end brands to be modeled.

Glam for Good will be having castings on 25 July 2015 from 9am – 1pm at the Park Inn Newlands.
You must have great style, with spunky personality, outgoing and willing, no experience required!

Criteria:

Age 18-35

You will be asked to walk, so girls please bring along heels
Please bring along a photo with the following attached:
• Name and surname
• Contact details (cell and e-mail)
• Height (in bare feet – we will measure you!)
• Bust (specify A, B, C, etc.)
• Waist
• Hips
• Dress size (girls)
• Pants size
• Shirt and t-shirt size
• Shoe size
• Hair color
• Eye color

If you keen, email me, ulphaedries@yahoo.com. Otherwise just pitch up on Saturday, 25 July between 9-1pm at Park Inn Newlands

10 Hemlock Street, Newlands. Behind Cubana

Looking forward to see you all there..

xoxo

Single mom in the city… Shit gets real…

So Amra is turning four in September. And besides the fact that she’s turning four, what really creeps me out is that if you know me, never would you have thought I’d be a mom of a four year old. I’m myself a kid (okay sometimes).

Anyway I was caught in the middle of a conversation where I got asked yet again “so when you settling down?” that’s a great question but one I’m so unsure of. Yes I want more kids and a tiny part of me feels guilty for not giving Amra a picturesque family but I’ve been a single mom for so long, I wouldn’t know the first thing of sharing my life, my space, my time, my child with someone without offending in them in a million ways because of my subtle yet indirect way of saying “I can do this myself you know, been juggling life pretty fine without a man”. Then my mom asked me one day “what happens once you achieve all your goals? Is money and career really gonna complete you in your old days?” And “what happens if Amra gets married and grows up, are you okay being alone?” But there are just so many things I ponder about…society (pointing at you Malay society) doesn’t take easily to divorced moms. And what if they accept me but not my kid. No offense boys, but no man is worth losing or alienating my child over. I come with a package. Take it or leave it. Why do independent women scare men off? My independence isn’t there for you to sponge off. I don’t know about other women, I refuse to support a man. I already have 1 kid to raise and maintain. Don’t need a man to raise and maintain a man too.

How are other single parents handling it?

xoxo

I want a sister…

Yes, just like that, I was bombarded with the question I’ve been dreading. The one question I wouldn’t know how to answer because it was one thing I couldn’t give her at this very moment. I’ll set the scene for you. There I was putting Amra in bed after a very exhausting day. Amra looks at me curiously and I ignore this and continue tucking her in.

Amra: Mommy, can I have a sister?

Me: Excuse me?

Amra: Hannah has a sister and Noah has a sister, so can I have a sister.

Me: Don’t you want a pony instead?

(Please note: reasoning with a 3 year old, correction, reasoning with my 3 year old is like reasoning with a brick wall)

Me (telling her calmly): Babes, I can buy you a diamond, a horse or a freaking carnival (okay, I may have exaggerated on all of these) but a baby sister is something mommy can’t get you at this moment. As much as I would love too, a baby sister, isn’t on the gift list right now it seems…

Amra (sobs): you’re breaking my heart!!!

*end of discussion*

With all due respect to my daughter, I know where she’s coming from. Kids in her class come with their siblings and parents to school events. For us, it’s just me, her and my parents; totally different picture but a happy one nonetheless. Wanting siblings is normal. I have two that I can’t imagine my life without.

Being a single mom, I’m prepared for anything, anything I can afford to get/buy her. Part of me does feel guilty that while I’m focused on her and my career, my party business and my fashion show, I do owe her a white picket fence lifestyle. I love kids and would love more but I do also feel that if it’s not in the cards, then it’s not.

Am i wrong? Any other parents experiencing this? How do you handle it?

xoxo

It started with a dream…

Before I was mommy and or even long before Exquisite Parties by Ulpha emerged, I dreamt of a fashion show and of transforming a place into a wonderland of Charlie’s Chocolate Factory. I also knew that if I needed to make my dream a reality, I needed to get someone just crazy as me on board. She is my friend, my partner-in-crime and the only person who knew my craziness and understood my OCD’ness for perfection.

Lisa was only happy to jump on board. And in 2010, Glam for Good was born. Focusing on charities close to our heart, we had an amazing time. It was more than just a fashion show. It was an experience, it became a family and it became a moment that we will never forget.

We had amazing models who modeled because they wanted to and not to be paid. They gave up their time and effort all for the sake of charity and they knew why they were in it. Some of our models had their careers launched by our show and I look forward to working with so many familiar faces again or bringing new people on board. Add in Allan to refine our show and we had a dream sell-out show.

Five years later, we’re ready to celebrate with our 5th anniversary and we promise to make it better than ever. Same formula of love, fun and charity, we promise it to be a night of gorgeous, fabulous fun all for the sake of charity. The wheels of brainstorming have begun and we’ll be doing casting, worthy charities, hunting for a venue and brands who are happy to jump on board.

Since we do it with no money, it amazed us how charitable people are all for the name of those in need; and we always welcome whatever help we can receive. Our sponsors received amazing positive publicity and had a super fun evening.

Check out our last show.

If anyone would love to be part of the show or offer any services in any way, it’s happening in Cape Town on hopefully 28 November 2015.

Much love

xoxo